Two perspectives. One conversation.

A relationship check-in, with room for both of you

Set aside a little time to ask how you are doing as a couple. Start with your own reflections, listen to your partner’s experience and decide what deserves attention next.

Free to use. Answer separately. Compare once you both finish.

See an example report first

Make a little space before you begin

Choose a moment when neither of you is rushing to work or already in the middle of an argument. Agree on how much time you have and whether you want to focus on the past week or a longer period.

You can use the prompts below on their own. For a more structured check-in, complete the Pair Perspective questionnaire separately and use the shared report to choose your topics.

Five questions for your next check-in

Take turns answering. Let each person finish before asking a follow-up question. You can write down your thoughts first if speaking spontaneously feels difficult.

When did you feel close to me this week?
Was there a moment when you wanted more support?
How did our everyday responsibilities feel to you?
Is there something you have been wanting to tell me?
What is one small thing we could try before our next check-in?

When your answers surprise each other

One partner may describe a busy week as comfortable while the other felt disconnected. Ask about specific moments before trying to solve the difference. ‘What was that evening like for you?’ gives you something concrete to discuss.

Reflect back what you heard: ‘You wanted us to have time without our phones.’ Check whether you understood before explaining your own experience. You can understand a feeling even when you remember the event differently.

Agree on one experiment

Make the next step small enough to try: a walk after dinner, a clearer division of one household task or a few minutes together before bed. Say what each of you will do and when you will revisit it.

At your next check-in, start by asking whether that change helped. Repeating the questionnaire is optional. A useful outcome can be a clearer request or a better understanding of your partner, even when your scores do not change.

Before you start

How often should we check in?

Choose a rhythm that works for both of you. A weekly or monthly conversation is one option; you can adjust it together if it feels rushed or repetitive.

Do we need a questionnaire every time?

No. Use the five prompts for a simple conversation, or take the shared assessment when you want to compare a wider range of topics.

What if the conversation gets tense?

Agree to pause and choose a time to return to it. You do not have to resolve every difference in a single conversation.

Make room for your partner’s perspective

Create your shared questionnaire, invite your partner and take the first step toward a more specific conversation.