How to get more from the relationship assessment
The results become most valuable when you meet differences with curiosity. Here is a simple way to talk about what you discover.
Start with what already works
If you have not answered yet, start the free relationship test. For a repeatable conversation format, try the relationship check-in guide.
It is easy to go straight to the areas where your answers differ. Instead, begin with one topic where you see the relationship in a similar way. Tell each other what you think helps this part work.
This makes the conversation safer and helps you notice the good habits you already have.
Choose one difference at a time
Different answers do not mean that one of you is right and the other is wrong. They mean that you have had different experiences of the same part of the relationship.
Try this order:
- One person explains what the question meant to them.
- The other listens without correcting or explaining.
- Change roles.
- Choose one small thing to try during the next week.
The goal is not to agree about the past, but to understand what each of you needs going forward.
Keep the next step small
“We need to communicate better” is hard to act on. “We will put our phones away for ten minutes after dinner on Tuesday and Thursday” is something you can try.
Choose an action that is small, concrete, and easy to evaluate together.